just when you think...

...you have it all figured out and you've settled into some sort of normalcy, everything changes again.

Today is a cloudy, rainy, windy Friday which I guess is more than appropriate because today is a bittersweet day for me. It's the perfect day to cuddle up with my baby girl and do nothing but enjoy her & all her precious little features. The perfect day to sit on the couch and hold her while she stares up at me with those big blue eyes and the perfect day to get down in the floor and play with her as she kicks her tiny legs and tries so desperately to communicate with me. The perfect day to try and catch just a little snooze as she takes what is supposed to be her LONG afternoon nap, but sometimes I think she wakes up early just because she wants to cuddle with momma.

Today is what I would call my last official day of maternity leave. Now before I convince you to feel TOO sorry for me, remember that I do work FOR my parents and work WITH my husband and my MOM will be the one watching Elyse and I am ONLY working 3 days a week. And let's not forget that even on the days I work, I'll be seeing Elyse every day over lunch. However, these last almost 8 weeks have absolutely flown by and I honestly can't believe how much she's changed and just how much I absolutely LOVE this little girl that God brought into our lives. I have just managed to start figuring out Elyse's complex, changing every day schedule; only to have to start back to work a few days a week.

If someone had asked me a few years ago if I saw myself as a full-time stay at home mom, my standard, typical answer was probably not. I just couldn't really imagine myself staying at home all day every day with our children. And then if someone asked me 9 months ago if I was going to stay at home full time my standard response was...I don't know, we'll figure it out. Working with family certainly offers a lot of flexibility that I wouldn't have otherwise, so it wasn't a decision that we had to make immediately. And today, if someone asked me today if I would ever be a full-time stay at home mom my response will still be...I don't know, we're going to figure it out. Right now our plans are for me to work 3 days a week and be home with Elyse the other 2; however, I'm not naive enough to think that those plans might have to change yet again. Nick & I will be making those decisions based on what's best for Elyse, and our current set-up certainly isn't set in stone.

While I'm going to miss being around the house & catering to Elyse's every need, there are certainly things I'm looking forward to as I prepare to go back to work. I'm looking forward to being back in a job that I really did enjoy. I'm looking forward to accomplishing something on Mondays, Tuesdays, & Fridays that is completely different from what I will be accomplishing the other four days of the week. I'm looking forward to some adult conversation that doesn't necessarily involve dirty diapers, breastfeeding, or sleep schedule (of course in a small office I'm sure there'll still be plenty of that). I'm looking forward to having a reason to get dressed up and wear more than just sweats & t-shirts. And I'm looking forward to being with Nick more, working beside him, and continuing to navigate our new roles as parents & co-workers.

The discussion of working mom vs. stay-at-home mom will always exist and I honestly can't say which is better...because it's not about which is better overall, but which is the best decision for our family. Right now I feel like I'm about to experience the best of both worlds. Because while I'm looking forward to all those things about job, I know that each week I'll be aching for Wednesday & Thursday when I get to spend two whole days at home with our baby girl...cuddling and singing and going for walks and doing whatever else we want.

I'll be longing for those two Mom Days each week when we can just be mother & daughter hanging out in our jammies.