Friday, September 19, 2008

What in the world am I doing?

Life around the Layman house has been pretty uneventful in the recent weeks and although that might be a blessing for some--It's driving me crazy!!! With Nick studying, that leaves me to decide what I'm going to spend each night doing for 2-3 hours without making a huge amount of noise in order to not distract him. This might sound simple to some; however, spending hours of watching the new 90210, Gossip Girl, & America's Next Top Model is not the most stimulating option (even though I love watching all of them). So, last night I'm sitting around reading and I start to get into a down mood thinking about what I really contribute to anything. I go to work, come home, cook dinner, sit around for a few hours waiting on Nick to get done studying, take Bogey for a walk, and go to bed. What a fulfilling evening! (sarcasm intended) Don't get me wrong, my main task and goal in life is to be a godly, loving, excellent wife to my husband. I just get into these moods every once in awhile and proceed to throw a pity party for myself where self-doubt and a lack of self-confidence really shine through.

What am I doing here? Do I make a difference? Am I a good Christian woman, wife, friend, daughter? Do I like my job? Will I be able to run our family business someday? All these questions pop into my mind and make me stop and think. I talked with my dear husband about it and expressed all of my thoughts...What are you passionate about? he says. Wow, you know I have no idea...I love lots of little things (but money constrains most of those options). This stage in life is full of transitions--life has always been full of activities and duties but what now?'s my task...find a hobby, not just something to fill time...but something I truly enjoy. The first couple on my list are to extend a few things I already enjoy--baking (new recipes), exercising (sick I know, but I do actually enjoy this), & possibly silk-flower arranging (my mom and I have come to really enjoy this). God has blessed our lives in so many ways and I know I will be so thankful for these times in several years when I have little munchkins running around our house. Thanks for reading my rambling words, any unique and cheap hobby ideas would certainly be fun to hear about! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

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