Before I even write another word, let me just state the obvious. Being a mom is HARD. It's the most difficult, yet most rewarding job I've ever had. It's long nights & early morning feedings. It's life on a 3 hour rotation instead of doing what I want when I want to do it. It's coming to the end of the day and trying to figure out just what in the heck I accomplished in the last 12 hours. It's becoming a servant to the smallest person imaginable and having some sense of hope knowing that she can't fire you for doing a bad job.
Up until now, most all of my posts about motherhood have been all about how amazing it is and how wonderful our daughter is...and both of those things are still VERY VERY true. Being a mom is amazing & the love I have for my daughter is something no one could have ever explained to me.
However...the other thing that no one could have ever told me was how conflicted I would feel almost daily when I try to balance all the other roles in my life. Because the day I became a mother, I didn't lose all of those other titles. Mother simply just got stacked on top.
I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a daughter. I'm an employee. I'm a friend. I'm a coworker. I'm a Christian. I'm a housecleaner and a chef. I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home mom). I'm a working mom. I'm a daughter who's an employee of her fathers'. I'm a wife who's a coworker with her husband.
Yeah. That's a lot of roles. At any given time I'm required to be all of the above, and yet figure out exactly how to do all of them to the best of my ability. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and my life is pretty stinkin' great. But trying to figure out which hat to stack on next can be exhausting. And it can be so hard and so humbling.
Stumbling through this new life, I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other & take one day at a time. I'm also working really hard to find time to do a few things for myself. Which is why as soon as I hit publish on this post, I'm shutting my computer, turning off the tv and going to try and catch a quick nap before the end of the current 3 hour segment. It's also why tonight I'm going with a good friend to Zumba where I'll look like a fool while I miss so many of the moves...but I will sweat for an hour and for an hour I won't have time to think about any of my roles because if I do I'll end up falling on my face.
Figuring out my true identity might be even more difficult than becoming a mom. Keeping a bit of myself has become crucial. With all the chaos & busyness of spending my days selling insurance, singing "The Little Green Frog", kissing my husband, picking up Sophie the Giraffe for the umpteenth time, talking with my mom on the phone, and folding just another burp rag to be put away, having a few simple moments to myself is certainly the only way to keep my sanity.
Who am I?
I'm still the same woman I was almost 4 months ago. The woman who needs some time for herself and some time to get away from it all. The woman who married a man who seriously makes her better and forces her to laugh even when that's the last thing she wants to do. The woman who puts her whole self into a friendship because having close girlfriends is one of the greatest blessings in life. And after four months, that woman is even better than she was. She's better because of the little girl who's sleeping in the next room and has taught her so much about being selfless and being humble and loving unconditionally even if I do have a stack of 10 hats on my head.
1 year ago