Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Who Am I?

Before I even write another word, let me just state the obvious.  Being a mom is HARD.  It's the most difficult, yet most rewarding job I've ever had.  It's long nights & early morning feedings.  It's life on a 3 hour rotation instead of doing what I want when I want to do it.  It's coming to the end of the day and trying to figure out just what in the heck I accomplished in the last 12 hours.  It's becoming a servant to the smallest person imaginable and having some sense of hope knowing that she can't fire you for doing a bad job. 

Up until now, most all of my posts about motherhood have been all about how amazing it is and how wonderful our daughter is...and both of those things are still VERY VERY true.  Being a mom is amazing & the love I have for my daughter is something no one could have ever explained to me. 

However...the other thing that no one could have ever told me was how conflicted I would feel almost daily when I try to balance all the other roles in my life.  Because the day I became a mother, I didn't lose all of those other titles.  Mother simply just got stacked on top. 

I'm a mom.  I'm a wife.  I'm a daughter.  I'm an employee.  I'm a friend.  I'm a coworker.  I'm a Christian. I'm a housecleaner and a chef.  I'm a SAHM (stay-at-home mom).  I'm a working mom.  I'm a daughter who's an employee of her fathers'.  I'm a wife who's a coworker with her husband. 

Yeah. That's a lot of roles.  At any given time I'm required to be all of the above, and yet figure out exactly how to do all of them to the best of my ability.  Don't get me wrong, I love my life and my life is pretty stinkin' great.  But trying to figure out which hat to stack on next can be exhausting.  And it can be so hard and so humbling. 

Stumbling through this new life, I'm just trying to put one foot in front of the other & take one day at a time.  I'm also working really hard to find time to do a few things for myself.  Which is why as soon as I hit publish on this post, I'm shutting my computer, turning off the tv and going to try and catch a quick nap before the end of the current 3 hour segment.  It's also why tonight I'm going with a good friend to Zumba where I'll look like a fool while I miss so many of the moves...but I will sweat for an hour and for an hour I won't have time to think about any of my roles because if I do I'll end up falling on my face. 

Figuring out my true identity might be even more difficult than becoming a mom.  Keeping a bit of myself has become crucial.  With all the chaos & busyness of spending my days selling insurance, singing "The Little Green Frog", kissing my husband, picking up Sophie the Giraffe for the umpteenth time, talking with my mom on the phone, and folding just another burp rag to be put away, having a few simple moments to myself is certainly the only way to keep my sanity. 

Who am I? 

I'm still the same woman I was almost 4 months ago.  The woman who needs some time for herself and some time to get away from it all.  The woman who married a man who seriously makes her better and forces her to laugh even when that's the last thing she wants to do.  The woman who puts her whole self into a friendship because having close girlfriends is one of the greatest blessings in life.  And after four months, that woman is even better than she was.  She's better because of the little girl who's sleeping in the next room and has taught her so much about being selfless and being humble and loving unconditionally even if I do have a stack of 10 hats on my head. 

7 comments:

Jennifer said...

So beautiful and so honest Lauren. Motherhood really changes us and learning how to balance all of the roles we play is tricky. At the end of the day we are still us and making time to care for ourselves in the midst of it is what enables us to keep on in all of the things we have to do.

You wear your hats beautifully. <3

Amanda said...

I don't yet have a child, so as of now I'm not able to completely relate. I don't yet know what it's like to be Mommy while trying to still be myself and juggle all of the other things life throws at us daily.

But I do know that you're doing a wonderful job. And from what I can see, although you're feeling a bit confused, overwhelmed and frazzled at the moment, you're still managing to raise that beautiful baby girl wonderfully. You're still able to positively contribute to your job, love your husband unconditionally, practice your faith, spend time with your family and keep a beautiful home. They say being a Mom is the hardest job in the entire world, and it's the biggest learning curve you'll ever experience. Elyse is only 4 months old and this is still very new, overwhelming and a little scary, I'm sure. As humbling, rewarding, precious, and liberating being a Mommy is, still remember to take time for yourself to get centred and recharge. I'm so glad you're going with a friend to Zumba tonight, sweat out all of that stress and worry. And when you get home love and cuddle that beautiful little girl of yours :) Don't worry, just like our mothers, in time you'll have this whole wearing 80 different hats thing down to a science. We're women, we're the masters of multi-tasking! ;)

Chin up, hunny! Just remember to take each day as it comes and be proud of yourself :) xoxo

Lindsey said...

I love this post!!

Adrienne said...

I love this so much, what a wonderful perspective to a different role in life. Thank you for sharing :)

Rach @ This Italian Family said...

This is precious! Absolutely love this whole post!

Mrs. Pancakes said...

i think these are the posts mothers don't write enough about! It's great you are trying to figure out yourself and who you are! the best way to have sanity during motherhood for sure..enjoy your nap!

toi said...

This is an amazing post. Today i was featured on another blog with a similar take on motherhood. I Would love to feature your post on the she rocks series.